Important Stuff -- Or Not: D-Day

Friday, July 06, 2007

D-Day

You'll notice I haven't posted anything since Tuesday. I haven't been on the computer since then either. While the rest of you were celebrating Independence Day, I was experiencing D-Day -- diarrhea day. I'll have to stop letting Chito sample my food. Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling better and with a hankering for strawberry pancakes. So, I drove the three miles to IHop. Ordered the strawberry pancakes. About FIVE MINUTES later, the waiter came back to my table and said they didn't have any strawberry pancakes, but I could have strawberry French toast. I'll just pause here as you imagine what was going through my head. "OK," said I, "I'll have the strawberry French toast. But scrape the strawberries off the French toast and put them on a stack of pancakes." I got my strawberry pancakes and the waiter didn't get my usually generous tip. What is happening to this world! Going to bed. Blog more at work tonight.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...: Um, what's Chito sampling your food got to do with your malaise?

How old was your waiter? Probably been brain trained to not think outside the box. It's not even a long trip outside the box to get to putting strawberries on pancakes when they can be put on French toast. Sheesh.

I hope you continue to feel better.; 3:55 PM
Lone Ranger said...: If he takes a lick before I eat it, I'm guessing there is a transfer of bacteria -- from the tongue that cleans his paws -- that bury his poop. But that's just my theory. He'll eat anything -- even guacamole.

The waiter was early 20s and Korean -- from Korea. Maybe the language barrier had something to do with it.; 4:35 PM
Anonymous said...: You'll just have to give Chito his own plate. :)

Twix won't eat any people food except for the shaved turkey I put on my sandwiches. Finicky doesn't begin to describe her.; 8:47 PM
Lone Ranger said...: Those three cats are totally different. Gwen refuses to even sniff people food. Ginger will try things that are creamy, like potato salad or ranch dressing, and then will immediately throw up.

But I think Chito is aspiring to be one of those hundred-pound cats you see on the Internet. First, he'll scarf down his own food, then, he'll eat the leftovers in the other two bowls. Then, he'll come to see what I'm eating. The only way I can get him out of my face is to give him a sample. Tonight it was bbq ribs and baked beans.

I've given up on thoughts of returning him. The other two are starting to accept him. And he makes me laugh every day. The other day I woke up and went into the living room and found my recliner turned 180 degrees. Gave me a bit of a shock because I thought for half a second that someone was in the apartment. He sounds all night like he's moving furniture, but this was the first evidence I had that he actually does it. Oh, and last night about 2 a.m. I heard something go bump in the night. I got up to investigate and tripped on the half-unpacked suitcase he'd shoved over. I put the suitcase upright and his little head came poking out. It's hard to get back to sleep after laughing.; 9:34 PM
Mark said...: That's hilarious! You should be a comedy writer. The strawberry pancake story reminds me of the time I tried to get McDonalds to break their rules and put a pickle on a fish sandwich. I think I'll write about it.; 7:50 AM
Lone Ranger said...: I used to be a comedy writer. I worked for 10 years as a disk (not disc) jockey. But who needs to write comedy when these things keep happening to me?; 8:00 AM

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Talking Points

I don't use talking points, I create them.

1. Hate makes people stoopid.

2. There is nothing so impenetrable as a closed mind.

3. A stupid person is not someone who can't learn, but someone who refuses to learn.

4. It is a small mind that has no room for God.

5. You can take Stalin out of the gene pool, but you can't take Stalinism out of liberals.

6. The best way to sabotage a bad plan is to follow it to the letter.

7. The race card is the first refuge of people who have nothing to say.

8. Ignorance is the cornerstone of arrogance.

9. Which is more racist, to hate someone who is not white or to assume someone is racist because he is white?

10. Children are not stupid. If a child is taught, the child will learn. If a child is not learning, the child is not being taught.

11. To express righteous indignation, one must first be righteous. And that's a label that doesn't stick to liberals.

12. Profanity is ignorance made audible.

13. An open mind is a liberal's worst enemy.

14. Paternalism is the purest form of racism.

15. People who bend the truth, usually bend it in their favor.

16. If you always stand in opposition to liberalism, you will never be wrong.

18. Life is simple. People who make it complicated usually have an agenda.

19. Getting your news from the corrupt, liberal media is like sticking your head in the sand, except you don't get grit in your teeth.

20. Liberals' emotional development stops at the age of 16.

21. To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell the truth.

22. Idealism seldom matches up with reality.

23. Those who don't hate communism have never lived it.

24. This was a much more civil country when men walked about heavily armed.

25. This economy will never heal as long as Obama keeps picking at the scab.

26. Liberals don't think outside the box; they ARE the box.

27. You cannot change the hearts and minds of liberals, because they possess neither.

28. There is no such thing as a kind liberal.

29. Reading Democratic Party platforms is like reading the history of human rights abuses and crimes against humanity in this country.

25 Immutable Truths About Liberals

Over the years I've been writing this blog, I've been throwing out little self-evident truths that seem to have no exceptions that prove the rule. I've made a list of some of them and will add to it as I remember them or make up more. Most of this list I've come up with myself. A few I've borrowed from others.

1. Always expect the worst from a liberal and you will never be surprised.

2. Never try to reason with a liberal. They disregard any evidence that conflicts with their beliefs.

3. You can always tell what liberals are up to by what they accuse conservatives of doing.

4. Liberals don't debate, they argue.

5. The only standards liberals have are double standards.

6. Liberals feel, conservatives think.

7. Whenever you don't understand a liberal's motives, just look for the money.

8. Liberals cannot be embarrassed. They lack the gene to blush.

9. The Liberal Golden Rule is, "Do unto others but scream bloody murder if they do unto you."

10. Liberals don't have leaders, they have demi-gods.

11. There are no honest liberals. If they were honest -- especially to themselves -- they would be conservatives.

12. A liberal's business is nobody's business, but everyone's business is a liberal's business.

13. Liberals have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are like house flies that criticize the air-worthiness of a Stealth fighter. (Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, ad infinitum are morons.)

14. Liberals lack a sixth sense that conservatives have in abundance -- common sense.

15. Liberals never stop hating.

16. There are only two types of liberals -- the deceivers and the deceived. The difficulty is telling them apart.

17. Every time liberals get on their high horse, they get bucked off.

18. Liberal programs are so wonderful that they have to be forced on people.

19. Liberals always choke on their own medicine.

20. When given a moral choice, liberals always come down on the wrong side of the fence.

21. The only way liberals can build themselves up is by tearing others down.

22. Liberals not only refuse to learn from their mistakes, they refuse to admit them.

23. Liberals have only two political positions -- blind devotion and blind hatred.

24. Liberals are incapable of attacking the message, so they always attack the messenger.

25. Liberal diversity is only skin deep.