Hey Sailor, Me Love You Long Time

I was rummaging through some old clothes some months back and came upon a pair of Navy bell bottoms that I used to wear when I was in my early 20s. Navy dungerees are the most comfortable pants I have ever worn. Anyway, I held them up to my waist and discovered that apparently there was once a time in my life when I was a young Asian woman. I don't recall the transformation, but only Lucy Liu could fit into those pants. I began to really have a weight problem when I started this job as news writer 11 years ago. Before this, I was a video editor, on my feet all day, lugging around reels of 2-inch tape and stuff. Before that, I sometimes worked as a cameraman when my news people were short handed. I once followed Mrs. Fields around for half a day carrying about 55 pounds of gear on my shoulder. She was opening a cookie shop in Japan and she nearly killed me running around. But then I got this job writing on the East Asia desk. That means I have to work at night while it's daytime over there and all the East Asians are doing cruel and stupid things to each other. Ten hours a night, four days a week hardly moving from my chair. Too tired when I get home to do anything other than eat and sleep. The weight started piling on. I gained 80 pounds in four years. I finally decided to do something when I one day caught my reflection in a store window and wondered -- for a split second -- who that fat guy was who looked like me. Long story short, I did some research and decided on Atkins. I read the book in the morning, cleaned out my kitchen in the afternoon and started that night. The homeless ate well that day, I must have given away $500 of food. I didn't even try out the Popiel pasta maker that arrived in the mail that day. Gave it to my mom. Atkins has a two-week period called "induction" where you eat less than 20 carbs a day. I ate LOTS of beef and pork and eggs with cheese, but also veggies -- more veggies than I'd normally ever eaten before (hey vegetarians, a donut is not a veggie). During that two weeks, I lost 17 pounds. But I noticed other things going on. I used to sit all night and percolate like a coffeepot. My heartburn was so bad I thought I had acid reflux. That stopped in the first week. Not so much as a bubble. My skin looked better, my hair grew faster, my nails were stronger, and in the second week, I got a HUGE surge of energy. I started missing my naps. I loved to nap. I lost 80 pounds in six months. I told my long-distance girlfriend that I'd lost 17 pounds in two weeks and she started too. She went from a size 14 to a size six in the same six months. I have no idea what that means, but she was definitely happy. Over the first year, my doc took me off my hypertension, diabetes and cholesterol meds. I had occasion to have my arteries tested about three years into the diet and they are clean as a whistle. No blockage or buildup. After six years, I am totally convinced that if I'd started eating this way 20 years ago, I wouldn't have developed any of the health problems I have today. I eat like a king and have never felt healthier -- well maybe back when I fit into those dungerees. I could get down to that weight again, but I want to keep on an extra 10 pounds or so to intimidate my boss. I also discovered something else. Liberals HATE low carbing! They go after low carbers as assiduously as they go after evangelical Christians. Their propaganda machine is churning out lies like a snow blower. I just don't get it. I can see how animal rights dopes would hate this way of eating, but why would anyone else want to politicize a diet? According to the MSM, if you low carb, you will die. Although tens of millions of people are doing Atkins and although not a single death has been recorded, you will die. The odds of dying from a gastric bypass is 1 in 200. If one in 200 people doing Atkins died, the hoopla would be extraordinary. There would be entire TV shows about the deadly diet, there would be Congressional hearings, there might even be laws rationing meat. But despite all their shouting, the left can't prove what they claim. As a journalist, I've spent 10 years looking into it, and haven't been able to find a single instance of someone being harmed by the Atkins diet. You can learn more about low carbing here. You can talk to other Atkins people here. And you can see some of the things I eat on my recipe site. Yeah, that's me. I'll probably find my picture on some Islamic death site now.