How to kill your husband 101

I am addicted to the show SNAPPED on the chick channel Oxygen. After a long day of running after my two year old and practicing law when my brain clears...this show is a great escape. I get excited to see I have 5 episodes stored on my TiVo machine every time I turn it on. I hear it is a good ratings grabber for the channel and now I know why. I have watched about 10 epsiodes and I am now an expert on how to kill your husband or in some episides your parents. But now after watching so many episodes the difference between these women who kill their husbands and me is that this show has taught me how NOT to get caught. This is what I have learned so far...if you don't want life without parole... 1. If you are going to bury him in the desert or ravine or in general anywhere in the dirt...plan ahead and make sure it is at least 6 feet deep...which may take several trips, but well worth it. Put him in a shallow grave and you might as well have confessed because they will find that sucker. 2. Kill the mistress too or at least make sure she is framed for your deed because that chick always seems to walk away with all the jewelry he gave her while you two were married, and the mercedes...AND THEN ends up marrying some hunk and settling down with two kids after your hubby is barely deteriorated. That always bugs me. 3. No matter what...SHUT UP!!! There is no statute of limitations on murder and the cops always let the case die down and let you move back into your life after the funeral so you will start yapping and telling your new boyfriend how you got away with it, after a night of margaritas and his continual compliments of how strong and aggressive you are and how much he loves that...Those nutty women!! Even after two years if you feel you have to tell someone...write it in a letter to Santa Claus so at least your confession will just get lost in the Dead Letter office and not as EXHIBIT A at your trial. 4. Don't store the body at home. Because someone always smells it eventually. Duct Tape and FEBREZE don't work. Three episodes showed that didn't work. And the trash can is not any better. 5 years later Mom was still stinking up the trashcan the woman had outside when this woman killed her mom to keep collecting Mom's disability checks. 5. If you are going to tell the Cops it is a home invasion make sure you mess up the house a little before the cops get there. One bullit to the BACK of his head and no stuff thrown around and you are TOAST!! 6. If you are the one having the affair make sure you break up with the other guy for at least six months and NO CONTACT. As soon as the cops find out you have a sugar daddy on the side and many times you are also pregnant with another guy's child...THEY KNOW IT IS YOU. 7. If you kill him for the insurance money make sure you don't make a payment on the policy and then kill him the next day. DEAD GIVEAWAY. Don't look that eager. We know you want the money but please. One more note on life insurance...pay for a policy for yourself in the same value at the same time. The cops know it is you when you stop paying on your 1 million dollar policy and increase your hubby's by a million! 5 days before they find his body. PAHLEEASE! Ladies think!!! 8. Keep your kids. The guilty wives always ship the kids off with some relative to live while they live it up in Vegas and Cancun for months at a time to show how grieved they are over the loss of the husband. Wake up people!!! Lousy mothers = Killer of husband! 9. Don't take pictures of yourself naked lying on the bed with all the money from your dead hubby's life insurance policy covering your private parts. The jury hates that!!! Convicted one woman straight out. 10. Finally, if you are going to kill your husband at sea which by far is the best place and my personal choice...dump the body there too BUT ONLY IF your husband CANNOT SWIM!! Unless you are claiming a pirate came aboard and killed him the cops know it is you...when you claim he never came back up for air knowing full well one yearboook picture shows he was the Captain of the swim team!!...well then starting memorizing your inmate number!!