Important Stuff -- Or Not: Me Again

Friday, January 18, 2008

Me Again

Friday night and another work week begins and wow, am I tired! I feel like I'm looking at the screen through a piece of gauze. I spent the morning sitting in the nearest Chevy dealer. They took three hours to inform me that they could not repair my slowly-leaking tire. A new one would cost $520. Oh, and by the way, I should replace another one too. Oh, and by the way, they didn't keep them in stock, I'd have to pick them up Monday. So, as soon as I get off work Monday, I'll drive down there and hope I don't have to spend the day sleeping on their couch. If this keeps up, I hope I don't spend my life sleeping under a bridge. But, Corvettes are like kids. If you can't afford to take care of them, you shouldn't have one. I went Thursday to see my doctor again. She insisted that I go to diabetes education, even though I took it about eight years ago. What should have taken three hours took about five minutes, after the lady found out that I knew my stuff. The instructor informed my doctor that I was eating better than the average diabetic and that left my doctor with only two options: Either I wasn't taking my meds, or they weren't working. She chose the first. So, despite telling her that I take my pills faithfully, as soon as I get off work Tuesday, I have to go in again with all my pill bottles and prove that I can read the labels. At least I'll be driving on new tires. I believe I've told you that my new doctor has the longest fingers I've ever seen on a person. When you shake hands with someone, their fingertips usually come to rest over the bones of your pinky finger. But her fingertips come to rest between my two middle fingers. It's a bit disconcerting the first time it happens. It's like being grabbed by an octopus. I told you that to tell you this. While I was waiting in the examination room, I heard the doctor ask her nurse in the hallway, "Do we have any petroleum jelly?" My bottom-most orifice went "THWIIIPPP!" At that moment, I could have SCUBA dived on the Titanic and maintained a perfectly watertight seal. Turns out she needed it to do an EKG on another patient. WHEW!!!

6 comments:

Trader Rick said...: She's probably and Alien Hybrid.; 6:06 AM
Mark said...: I can't make a pithy comment to that. I'm laughing too hard.; 8:00 AM
Anonymous said...: I can't come up with anything clever to say, either. I'm working too hard to suppress the laughter so DH doesn't ask what I'm laughing about, and then I'd have to explain it. I'd probably die, gasping between guffaws, from oxygen deprivation. :); 12:27 PM
Lone Ranger said...: I'm glad my tribulations can brighten some lives.; 5:13 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm glad to hear you avoided the love glove.; 11:36 PM
Mark said...: Obviously, like me, you've had a prostate exam in the past. I don't know how long my doctor's fingers were because I didn't notice, but they must have been either long or thick.

I couldn't walk normally for three days afterward.; 8:42 AM

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Talking Points

I don't use talking points, I create them.

1. Hate makes people stoopid.

2. There is nothing so impenetrable as a closed mind.

3. A stupid person is not someone who can't learn, but someone who refuses to learn.

4. It is a small mind that has no room for God.

5. You can take Stalin out of the gene pool, but you can't take Stalinism out of liberals.

6. The best way to sabotage a bad plan is to follow it to the letter.

7. The race card is the first refuge of people who have nothing to say.

8. Ignorance is the cornerstone of arrogance.

9. Which is more racist, to hate someone who is not white or to assume someone is racist because he is white?

10. Children are not stupid. If a child is taught, the child will learn. If a child is not learning, the child is not being taught.

11. To express righteous indignation, one must first be righteous. And that's a label that doesn't stick to liberals.

12. Profanity is ignorance made audible.

13. An open mind is a liberal's worst enemy.

14. Paternalism is the purest form of racism.

15. People who bend the truth, usually bend it in their favor.

16. If you always stand in opposition to liberalism, you will never be wrong.

18. Life is simple. People who make it complicated usually have an agenda.

19. Getting your news from the corrupt, liberal media is like sticking your head in the sand, except you don't get grit in your teeth.

20. Liberals' emotional development stops at the age of 16.

21. To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell the truth.

22. Idealism seldom matches up with reality.

23. Those who don't hate communism have never lived it.

24. This was a much more civil country when men walked about heavily armed.

25. This economy will never heal as long as Obama keeps picking at the scab.

26. Liberals don't think outside the box; they ARE the box.

27. You cannot change the hearts and minds of liberals, because they possess neither.

28. There is no such thing as a kind liberal.

29. Reading Democratic Party platforms is like reading the history of human rights abuses and crimes against humanity in this country.

25 Immutable Truths About Liberals

Over the years I've been writing this blog, I've been throwing out little self-evident truths that seem to have no exceptions that prove the rule. I've made a list of some of them and will add to it as I remember them or make up more. Most of this list I've come up with myself. A few I've borrowed from others.

1. Always expect the worst from a liberal and you will never be surprised.

2. Never try to reason with a liberal. They disregard any evidence that conflicts with their beliefs.

3. You can always tell what liberals are up to by what they accuse conservatives of doing.

4. Liberals don't debate, they argue.

5. The only standards liberals have are double standards.

6. Liberals feel, conservatives think.

7. Whenever you don't understand a liberal's motives, just look for the money.

8. Liberals cannot be embarrassed. They lack the gene to blush.

9. The Liberal Golden Rule is, "Do unto others but scream bloody murder if they do unto you."

10. Liberals don't have leaders, they have demi-gods.

11. There are no honest liberals. If they were honest -- especially to themselves -- they would be conservatives.

12. A liberal's business is nobody's business, but everyone's business is a liberal's business.

13. Liberals have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are like house flies that criticize the air-worthiness of a Stealth fighter. (Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, ad infinitum are morons.)

14. Liberals lack a sixth sense that conservatives have in abundance -- common sense.

15. Liberals never stop hating.

16. There are only two types of liberals -- the deceivers and the deceived. The difficulty is telling them apart.

17. Every time liberals get on their high horse, they get bucked off.

18. Liberal programs are so wonderful that they have to be forced on people.

19. Liberals always choke on their own medicine.

20. When given a moral choice, liberals always come down on the wrong side of the fence.

21. The only way liberals can build themselves up is by tearing others down.

22. Liberals not only refuse to learn from their mistakes, they refuse to admit them.

23. Liberals have only two political positions -- blind devotion and blind hatred.

24. Liberals are incapable of attacking the message, so they always attack the messenger.

25. Liberal diversity is only skin deep.