Important Stuff -- Or Not: While You Sleep, I Watch the World

Monday, June 25, 2007

While You Sleep, I Watch the World

Since I'm working the national desk tonight, I'm on standby for the release of Paris Hilton from the hoosegow. It seems that way back on June 9th, some dummy on the day shift deemed it necessary to write a story about her day of house arrest. So now, we are obligated to do a follow-up story wrapping it all up. I'm expecting her to be released in about four hours and 36 minutes and have already begun writing the story. See how this sounds:

Hotel heiress and pseudo-celebrity Paris Hilton has been released from a Los Angeles jail after a punishing 15 days behind bars for thumbing her perfectly-sculpted nose at a court order that had suspended her driver's license for drunk driving. With time to think while in custody, Hilton says she believes she is learning and growing from her experience. She has pledged to devote her time from now on to bringing peace to the Middle East, ending world hunger and finding a cure for cancer -- while clad in a beautiful, white ermine lab coat designed by Oscar De La Renta. The Hilton case has sparked controversy in America over whether the rich and famous get favorable treatment by law enforcement officials. L.A. Sheriff Lee Baca, who led the procession of four deputies carrying Hilton's golden litter, scoffed at the idea, saying, "let the press eat cake."

4 comments:

Anonymous said...: Ha! Love it!

Any chance it's actually going to make it to the general public? :); 1:26 AM
Lone Ranger said...: I'm watching the Hilton motorcade now. It reminds me of the O.J. pursuit.; 2:38 AM
Trader Rick said...: We live in a sick decadent society. The weirdest thing is listening to all the "journalists" on cable deploring the coverage of such a non-news issue while showing glamour videos of Hilton, over and over and over and over again, world without end, Amen, Amen.; 6:39 AM
Lone Ranger said...: One tabloid actually compared Paris to political prisoners like Nelson Mandella! What a travesty! Paris Hilton has never been a Marxist terrorist! Paris has never blown up innocent men, women and children! Paris doesn't nearly rise to the level of someone like Mandella!; 6:42 AM

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Talking Points

I don't use talking points, I create them.

1. Hate makes people stoopid.

2. There is nothing so impenetrable as a closed mind.

3. A stupid person is not someone who can't learn, but someone who refuses to learn.

4. It is a small mind that has no room for God.

5. You can take Stalin out of the gene pool, but you can't take Stalinism out of liberals.

6. The best way to sabotage a bad plan is to follow it to the letter.

7. The race card is the first refuge of people who have nothing to say.

8. Ignorance is the cornerstone of arrogance.

9. Which is more racist, to hate someone who is not white or to assume someone is racist because he is white?

10. Children are not stupid. If a child is taught, the child will learn. If a child is not learning, the child is not being taught.

11. To express righteous indignation, one must first be righteous. And that's a label that doesn't stick to liberals.

12. Profanity is ignorance made audible.

13. An open mind is a liberal's worst enemy.

14. Paternalism is the purest form of racism.

15. People who bend the truth, usually bend it in their favor.

16. If you always stand in opposition to liberalism, you will never be wrong.

18. Life is simple. People who make it complicated usually have an agenda.

19. Getting your news from the corrupt, liberal media is like sticking your head in the sand, except you don't get grit in your teeth.

20. Liberals' emotional development stops at the age of 16.

21. To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell the truth.

22. Idealism seldom matches up with reality.

23. Those who don't hate communism have never lived it.

24. This was a much more civil country when men walked about heavily armed.

25. This economy will never heal as long as Obama keeps picking at the scab.

26. Liberals don't think outside the box; they ARE the box.

27. You cannot change the hearts and minds of liberals, because they possess neither.

28. There is no such thing as a kind liberal.

29. Reading Democratic Party platforms is like reading the history of human rights abuses and crimes against humanity in this country.

25 Immutable Truths About Liberals

Over the years I've been writing this blog, I've been throwing out little self-evident truths that seem to have no exceptions that prove the rule. I've made a list of some of them and will add to it as I remember them or make up more. Most of this list I've come up with myself. A few I've borrowed from others.

1. Always expect the worst from a liberal and you will never be surprised.

2. Never try to reason with a liberal. They disregard any evidence that conflicts with their beliefs.

3. You can always tell what liberals are up to by what they accuse conservatives of doing.

4. Liberals don't debate, they argue.

5. The only standards liberals have are double standards.

6. Liberals feel, conservatives think.

7. Whenever you don't understand a liberal's motives, just look for the money.

8. Liberals cannot be embarrassed. They lack the gene to blush.

9. The Liberal Golden Rule is, "Do unto others but scream bloody murder if they do unto you."

10. Liberals don't have leaders, they have demi-gods.

11. There are no honest liberals. If they were honest -- especially to themselves -- they would be conservatives.

12. A liberal's business is nobody's business, but everyone's business is a liberal's business.

13. Liberals have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are like house flies that criticize the air-worthiness of a Stealth fighter. (Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, ad infinitum are morons.)

14. Liberals lack a sixth sense that conservatives have in abundance -- common sense.

15. Liberals never stop hating.

16. There are only two types of liberals -- the deceivers and the deceived. The difficulty is telling them apart.

17. Every time liberals get on their high horse, they get bucked off.

18. Liberal programs are so wonderful that they have to be forced on people.

19. Liberals always choke on their own medicine.

20. When given a moral choice, liberals always come down on the wrong side of the fence.

21. The only way liberals can build themselves up is by tearing others down.

22. Liberals not only refuse to learn from their mistakes, they refuse to admit them.

23. Liberals have only two political positions -- blind devotion and blind hatred.

24. Liberals are incapable of attacking the message, so they always attack the messenger.

25. Liberal diversity is only skin deep.