Soccer is not for Americans. We have opposable thumbs. We like to pick up balls, throw them, catch them, roll them, dribble them and hit them with racquets, bats, paddles, clubs and mallets. We are also not emotional enough to care about soccer the way other countries do. If we could harness the drama queenery expended during the World Cup, we could be energy self-sufficient for the following year. Soccer is a great sport for people who have just had their nails done. But soccer -- and Democrats -- will be with us so long as there are liberal soccer moms. The only reason the World Cup showed up on my radar at all is that I overheard someone say France would be in the finals and I rooted for them to lose.....to whomever they were playing against. Let me look it up. Oh, Italy. Not only did they lose, they lost in disgrace, when that shaved-headed French guy head-butted that Kramer-looking Italian guy. It seems that opposable thumbs are also needed to make a decent fist. That was gravy. That was like hearing that al-Zarqawi lived long enough to see himself surrounded by American troops. Oh, that's another reason soccer is not for Americans. When an American football player is knocked down, he doesn't flop around on the ground as though he'd been shot with a deer rifle. And that concludes my sports commentary. Hard to believe that I've been a TV sportscaster, isn't it?
2 comments:
There are a lot of people who don't like soccer because, as they say, there is not much scoring, so it is boring. What they don't understand is why there is so little scoring. I will tell you why now:
It's the offsides rule. A offensive player is not allowed to get between his opponents and the goal without having possession of the ball. It is hard to shoot the ball unobstructed into the goal under those circumstances. That is why soccer is so popular. There is a lot of strategy involved in getting around the defenders.
Apparently it started with an insult. As Tiki Barber said on Fox and Friends this morning, "They're not working hard enough if they have time to stand around and talk to each other."
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