Sunday, July 23, 2006

How Do I Get My Permanent Record?

My dad worked on building the northern tier missile sites (when he wasn't a Fuller brush man), so we moved around quite a lot -- often in the middle of a school year. But no matter where I moved, I could be assured that my "permanent record" would get to the next school before I did. The permanent record was a top secret document that, to this day, I have never seen. Apparently, it was a record of every test I ever took, every breath I ever drew. I remember one teacher making an entry in a log book whenever I raised my hand to go to the bathroom -- one finger for number one, two fingers for number two. Another teacher was reviewing my permanent record with me on my first day and gasped, giggled nervously, and said, "This is quite remarkable!" when she looked at my test scores. Was that good or bad? Was I destined to be a genius before I got into those breath-holding contests with my brother? Or was I a moron before I became a conservative? (Don't answer that!) Where can I find my permanent record? If nothing else, it would be interesting to see how many times I went number two in grade school.

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