Important Stuff -- Or Not: Wonderful Stuff

Friday, May 05, 2006

Wonderful Stuff

For whatever reason, it's a slow news night in my region, so I have time to blog. Thought I'd make a list of 10 really great things that have improved my life. TiVO: This gadget has changed the way I watch TV. No more video tapes to worry about. You can program this hard-drive recorder in any number of ways. I subscribe to my favorite shows and it records them. For instance, at 9 pm Friday, it will catch Dr. Who. I have it programmed to catch Audie Murphy westerns, and if one comes up even three years from now, it will record it, even if I don't know it will be on. The latest model records two programs at the same time. GPS: I will never get lost again. All I have to do is enter my starting point and destination and it will plot a route and give me turn by turn instructions. I can be anywhere in North America and push one button and it will take me to my doorstep. If I want to go to a gas station or a Cracker Barrel or a tourist site, it will usually find it. A wonderful gadget. Roomba: I have to admit, I bought this robot vacuum cleaner just as a novelty. I had no idea it would work as well as it does. I gave my first one to my mom and it made her life much easier, because she no longer had to vacuum. The unit I have now can be programmed to start at times I determine, clean a room and return to its charging base automatically. It's also great for scaring cats. Ramen: A miracle food! It's cheap and easy. Two cups of water, a package of ramen and some veggies, meat or leftovers and you have a hearty meal in about 10 minutes. I also crack an egg on top. Portable DVR: I love this thing. I have my entire CD collection on it, a truckload of Lone Ranger episodes and a dozen movies so far and it's still hungry for more. It will hold a million pictures or 250 movies or 55,000 songs. Who needs an iPod? I look forward to standing in lines. It will even work as a portable computer hard drive. XM Radio: This is a lifesaver if you do a lot of cross-country driving. No more tuning from station to station as you drive from one area to another. I can listen to the same station anywhere in the country. Stouffer's Corner Bistro Paninni Sandwiches: These are fast and delicious. Ignore the cooking instructions. Put them in the microwave for two minutes and then brown them in a pan. Stink Finder: This is a palm-sized flashlight/black light that is sold in pet shops. Its purpose is to find places where your cat might be peeing. But it's also great for checking the cleanliness of motel rooms. You might not want to know what has gone on in your fancy room. Data Sticks: What a great way to store information! I can load it with pictures and put it in my shirt pocket to show to my sisters on their computers. Almost makes me wish I were an industrial spy. Self-Cleaning Litter Box: Never shovel kitty litter again. Nuff said.

4 comments:

Trader Rick said...: Check the ingredients in your Ramen, Ranger. If it has MSG, you don't want it.; 5:18 AM
Lone Ranger said...: It does, but with my health, MSG is the least of my worries.; 8:09 AM
Tonto said...: That was great. I would definitely have on my list TiVo and GPS...could not live without them. I am glad you told me about Roomba because I was curious about it and wanted to try one but thought it was not really what it advertised. Does it do wood floors too?; 1:23 PM
Lone Ranger said...: Since it does my bathroom and kitchen tile floors, I imagine it does wood. One thing I forgot to put on the list was the Bissel Spotbot carpet cleaner. It has taken even black grease stains left by repairmen on my carpet. I let a coworker use it and it took out some cat stains that she'd had in her carpet for years. In fact, it works too well. Once you clean a spot with it, it makes the rest of your carpet look dirty.; 4:20 PM

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Talking Points

I don't use talking points, I create them.

1. Hate makes people stoopid.

2. There is nothing so impenetrable as a closed mind.

3. A stupid person is not someone who can't learn, but someone who refuses to learn.

4. It is a small mind that has no room for God.

5. You can take Stalin out of the gene pool, but you can't take Stalinism out of liberals.

6. The best way to sabotage a bad plan is to follow it to the letter.

7. The race card is the first refuge of people who have nothing to say.

8. Ignorance is the cornerstone of arrogance.

9. Which is more racist, to hate someone who is not white or to assume someone is racist because he is white?

10. Children are not stupid. If a child is taught, the child will learn. If a child is not learning, the child is not being taught.

11. To express righteous indignation, one must first be righteous. And that's a label that doesn't stick to liberals.

12. Profanity is ignorance made audible.

13. An open mind is a liberal's worst enemy.

14. Paternalism is the purest form of racism.

15. People who bend the truth, usually bend it in their favor.

16. If you always stand in opposition to liberalism, you will never be wrong.

18. Life is simple. People who make it complicated usually have an agenda.

19. Getting your news from the corrupt, liberal media is like sticking your head in the sand, except you don't get grit in your teeth.

20. Liberals' emotional development stops at the age of 16.

21. To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell the truth.

22. Idealism seldom matches up with reality.

23. Those who don't hate communism have never lived it.

24. This was a much more civil country when men walked about heavily armed.

25. This economy will never heal as long as Obama keeps picking at the scab.

26. Liberals don't think outside the box; they ARE the box.

27. You cannot change the hearts and minds of liberals, because they possess neither.

28. There is no such thing as a kind liberal.

29. Reading Democratic Party platforms is like reading the history of human rights abuses and crimes against humanity in this country.

25 Immutable Truths About Liberals

Over the years I've been writing this blog, I've been throwing out little self-evident truths that seem to have no exceptions that prove the rule. I've made a list of some of them and will add to it as I remember them or make up more. Most of this list I've come up with myself. A few I've borrowed from others.

1. Always expect the worst from a liberal and you will never be surprised.

2. Never try to reason with a liberal. They disregard any evidence that conflicts with their beliefs.

3. You can always tell what liberals are up to by what they accuse conservatives of doing.

4. Liberals don't debate, they argue.

5. The only standards liberals have are double standards.

6. Liberals feel, conservatives think.

7. Whenever you don't understand a liberal's motives, just look for the money.

8. Liberals cannot be embarrassed. They lack the gene to blush.

9. The Liberal Golden Rule is, "Do unto others but scream bloody murder if they do unto you."

10. Liberals don't have leaders, they have demi-gods.

11. There are no honest liberals. If they were honest -- especially to themselves -- they would be conservatives.

12. A liberal's business is nobody's business, but everyone's business is a liberal's business.

13. Liberals have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are like house flies that criticize the air-worthiness of a Stealth fighter. (Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, ad infinitum are morons.)

14. Liberals lack a sixth sense that conservatives have in abundance -- common sense.

15. Liberals never stop hating.

16. There are only two types of liberals -- the deceivers and the deceived. The difficulty is telling them apart.

17. Every time liberals get on their high horse, they get bucked off.

18. Liberal programs are so wonderful that they have to be forced on people.

19. Liberals always choke on their own medicine.

20. When given a moral choice, liberals always come down on the wrong side of the fence.

21. The only way liberals can build themselves up is by tearing others down.

22. Liberals not only refuse to learn from their mistakes, they refuse to admit them.

23. Liberals have only two political positions -- blind devotion and blind hatred.

24. Liberals are incapable of attacking the message, so they always attack the messenger.

25. Liberal diversity is only skin deep.