Want to know how to stop world hunger?
Feed people.
Why am I the only one who's ever thought of that? Just feed people. Do I have to do everything around here?
Now that I've solved the problem of world hunger, it frees up the Democrats to deal with other complex issues. And deal with them they will, because they have simple solutions too!
After months -- nay, years -- of promises, the Democrats have finally revealed their national security plan. And it's a doozy. It puts all other national security plans to shame. Now, if I had a national security plan that was better than the President's, the first thing I'd do is ask to meet with him and explain the plan in full. After all, the welfare of the nation should come before political gain. But, that's just me.
In the War on Terror the Democrats -- after they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Eliminate Osama Bin Laden, destroy terrorist networks like al Qaeda, finish the job in Afghanistan, and end the threat posed by the Taliban."
Dang! Now that's a plan "that demonstrates that Democrats are the party of real national security," to quote Warrior Queen, Nancy Pelosi.
How will they do this? Simple, they will "double the size of our Special Forces, increase our human intelligence capabilities, and ensure our intelligence is free from political pressure."
How will they do this? I dunno, but I'm sure it's simple.
And, as if that weren't enough, they will also "eliminate terrorist breeding grounds by combating the economic, social, and political conditions that allow extremism to thrive; lead international efforts to uphold and defend human rights; and renew longstanding alliances that have advanced our national security objectives."
AND
They will "secure by 2010 loose nuclear materials that terrorists could use to build nuclear weapons or "dirty bombs."
AND
They will "Redouble efforts to stop nuclear weapons development in Iran and North Korea."
WHEW! And that's just the first week!
See how simple that is?
On Homeland Security, the Democrats -- after they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Immediately implement the recommendations of the independent, bipartisan 9/11 Commission including securing national borders, ports, airports and mass transit systems.
"Screen 100 percent of containers and cargo bound for the U.S. in ships or airplanes at the point of origin and safeguard America's nuclear and chemical plants, and food and water supplies.
"Prevent outsourcing of critical components of our national security infrastructure -- such as ports, airports and mass transit -- to foreign interests that put America at risk.
"Provide firefighters, emergency medical workers, police officers, and other workers on the front lines with the training, staffing, equipment, and cutting edge technology they need.
"Protect America from biological terrorism and pandemics, including the Avian flu, by investing in the public health infrastructure and training public health workers."
And where will they get all those cargo inspectors, security agents, firefighters, emergency medical workers, police officers, public healthworkers and other workers on the front line? I dunno, but I'm sure it's simple. Hey, we have 12 million people who will take jobs that Americans don't want. And they will work for slave wages! Genius! At least, that seems to be the obvious solution. I can't think of any other.
But what about the Iraq War? Glad you asked! The Democrats -- after they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Ensure 2006 is a year of significant transition to full Iraqi sovereignty, with the Iraqis assuming primary responsibility for securing and governing their country and with the responsible redeployment of U.S. forces. (How they'll do that when they won't be seated until 2007 eludes me, but I'm sure it's simple.)
"Insist that Iraqis make the political compromises necessary to unite their country and defeat the insurgency; promote regional diplomacy; and strongly encourage our allies and other nations to play a constructive role.
See? That's all you have to do. Ensure and Insist. Be forceful! That's why they call their plan "Bold." Bush isn't "Bold" enough. But wait, there's more!
After they clean up the war, the Democrats will "Hold the Bush Administration accountable for its manipulated pre-war intelligence, poor planning and contracting abuses that have placed our troops at greater risk and wasted billions of taxpayer dollars."
Now THAT I can believe! If the Democrats take control of the House and Senate in November we will see a string of investigations and impeachment attempts the likes of which have never occurred before in history. Democracy be damned, the Democrats will impeach their way into power. Why even waste billions of taxpayer dollars holding further elections?
"How about an energy policy?" you ask. No problemo (get used to speaking Spanish). After blocking Bush's energy policies for six years, the Democrats -- if they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Achieve energy independence for America by 2020 by eliminating reliance on oil from the Middle East and other unstable regions of the world.
"Increase production of alternate fuels from America's heartland including bio-fuels, geothermal, clean coal, fuel cells, solar and wind; promote hybrid and flex fuel vehicle technology and manufacturing; enhance energy efficiency and conservation incentives."
See how simple that is? No wonder they call Bush a moron!
But I've saved the best for last. We all know how much Democrats love our men and women in uniform! On the Military, the Democrats -- if they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Rebuild a state-of-the-art military by making the needed investments in equipment and manpower so that we can project power to protect America wherever and whenever necessary.
"Guarantee that our troops have the protective gear, equipment, and training they need and are never sent to war without accurate intelligence and a strategy for success.
"Enact a GI Bill of Rights for the 21st Century that guarantees our troops -- active, reserve, and retired -- our veterans, and their families receive the pay, health care, mental health services, and other benefits they have earned and deserve.
"Strengthen the National Guard, in partnership with the nation's Governors, to ensure it is fully manned, equipped and available to meet missions at home and abroad."
How will they do that? I dunno. But I'm sure it's simple. And as a military retiree, I eagerly await my pay, health care, mental health services, and other benefits I have earned and deserve. OboyOboyOboy!
What, you don't believe me? You don't think I conveyed this security agenda truthfully?? You think I spun it just to make it sound ridiculous??? Check it out right here. It's all so SIMPLE!
Simple minds, simple solutions.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
It's All So Simple!
Want to know how to stop world hunger?
Feed people.
Why am I the only one who's ever thought of that? Just feed people. Do I have to do everything around here?
Now that I've solved the problem of world hunger, it frees up the Democrats to deal with other complex issues. And deal with them they will, because they have simple solutions too!
After months -- nay, years -- of promises, the Democrats have finally revealed their national security plan. And it's a doozy. It puts all other national security plans to shame. Now, if I had a national security plan that was better than the President's, the first thing I'd do is ask to meet with him and explain the plan in full. After all, the welfare of the nation should come before political gain. But, that's just me.
In the War on Terror the Democrats -- after they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Eliminate Osama Bin Laden, destroy terrorist networks like al Qaeda, finish the job in Afghanistan, and end the threat posed by the Taliban."
Dang! Now that's a plan "that demonstrates that Democrats are the party of real national security," to quote Warrior Queen, Nancy Pelosi.
How will they do this? Simple, they will "double the size of our Special Forces, increase our human intelligence capabilities, and ensure our intelligence is free from political pressure."
How will they do this? I dunno, but I'm sure it's simple.
And, as if that weren't enough, they will also "eliminate terrorist breeding grounds by combating the economic, social, and political conditions that allow extremism to thrive; lead international efforts to uphold and defend human rights; and renew longstanding alliances that have advanced our national security objectives."
AND
They will "secure by 2010 loose nuclear materials that terrorists could use to build nuclear weapons or "dirty bombs."
AND
They will "Redouble efforts to stop nuclear weapons development in Iran and North Korea."
WHEW! And that's just the first week!
See how simple that is?
On Homeland Security, the Democrats -- after they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Immediately implement the recommendations of the independent, bipartisan 9/11 Commission including securing national borders, ports, airports and mass transit systems.
"Screen 100 percent of containers and cargo bound for the U.S. in ships or airplanes at the point of origin and safeguard America's nuclear and chemical plants, and food and water supplies.
"Prevent outsourcing of critical components of our national security infrastructure -- such as ports, airports and mass transit -- to foreign interests that put America at risk.
"Provide firefighters, emergency medical workers, police officers, and other workers on the front lines with the training, staffing, equipment, and cutting edge technology they need.
"Protect America from biological terrorism and pandemics, including the Avian flu, by investing in the public health infrastructure and training public health workers."
And where will they get all those cargo inspectors, security agents, firefighters, emergency medical workers, police officers, public healthworkers and other workers on the front line? I dunno, but I'm sure it's simple. Hey, we have 12 million people who will take jobs that Americans don't want. And they will work for slave wages! Genius! At least, that seems to be the obvious solution. I can't think of any other.
But what about the Iraq War? Glad you asked! The Democrats -- after they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Ensure 2006 is a year of significant transition to full Iraqi sovereignty, with the Iraqis assuming primary responsibility for securing and governing their country and with the responsible redeployment of U.S. forces. (How they'll do that when they won't be seated until 2007 eludes me, but I'm sure it's simple.)
"Insist that Iraqis make the political compromises necessary to unite their country and defeat the insurgency; promote regional diplomacy; and strongly encourage our allies and other nations to play a constructive role.
See? That's all you have to do. Ensure and Insist. Be forceful! That's why they call their plan "Bold." Bush isn't "Bold" enough. But wait, there's more!
After they clean up the war, the Democrats will "Hold the Bush Administration accountable for its manipulated pre-war intelligence, poor planning and contracting abuses that have placed our troops at greater risk and wasted billions of taxpayer dollars."
Now THAT I can believe! If the Democrats take control of the House and Senate in November we will see a string of investigations and impeachment attempts the likes of which have never occurred before in history. Democracy be damned, the Democrats will impeach their way into power. Why even waste billions of taxpayer dollars holding further elections?
"How about an energy policy?" you ask. No problemo (get used to speaking Spanish). After blocking Bush's energy policies for six years, the Democrats -- if they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Achieve energy independence for America by 2020 by eliminating reliance on oil from the Middle East and other unstable regions of the world.
"Increase production of alternate fuels from America's heartland including bio-fuels, geothermal, clean coal, fuel cells, solar and wind; promote hybrid and flex fuel vehicle technology and manufacturing; enhance energy efficiency and conservation incentives."
See how simple that is? No wonder they call Bush a moron!
But I've saved the best for last. We all know how much Democrats love our men and women in uniform! On the Military, the Democrats -- if they regain the House and Senate in November -- will:
"Rebuild a state-of-the-art military by making the needed investments in equipment and manpower so that we can project power to protect America wherever and whenever necessary.
"Guarantee that our troops have the protective gear, equipment, and training they need and are never sent to war without accurate intelligence and a strategy for success.
"Enact a GI Bill of Rights for the 21st Century that guarantees our troops -- active, reserve, and retired -- our veterans, and their families receive the pay, health care, mental health services, and other benefits they have earned and deserve.
"Strengthen the National Guard, in partnership with the nation's Governors, to ensure it is fully manned, equipped and available to meet missions at home and abroad."
How will they do that? I dunno. But I'm sure it's simple. And as a military retiree, I eagerly await my pay, health care, mental health services, and other benefits I have earned and deserve. OboyOboyOboy!
What, you don't believe me? You don't think I conveyed this security agenda truthfully?? You think I spun it just to make it sound ridiculous??? Check it out right here. It's all so SIMPLE!
Simple minds, simple solutions.
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3 comments:
You outdid yourself on this post. I enjoyed that with my morning coffee.
What does democrat spell?...ridiculous!
Sad part is we are about to hear this ad nauseum throughout 2006 our election year. It is going to be painful.
Ooooh, morning coffee. Don't mind if I do. Time to fire up the Senseo.
Election year is a great reason to have cable TV. I plan to be fully informed on such election issues as how Dr. Who's time machine works, whether Bones ever gets romantic with the FBI agent and if Clark Kent ever wears the Superman suit on Smallville.
I can imagine President Bush's first response to hearing these details said, "Thank you Lord Jesus."
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