Important Stuff -- Or Not: Things the Christian Right can Learn from Islam -- or Not

Since Islam is the religion of peace, and Christianity is the religion of love, I don't see why conservative Christians can't learn a few things from fundamentalist Muslims. For instance: 1. The next time Howard Dean says he hates Republicans and everything they stand for, firebomb his house. 2. If you see Rosy O'Donnel on the National Mall surrounded by heavily-armed body guards, screaming vulgarities at the top of her lungs and demanding gun control, shoot her. 3. Do not allow women to leave the house unless they're wearing a 1950s June Cleaver dress -- with a Betty Crocker apron. Children: Seen and not heard. 4. Pass dietary laws that outlaw the consumption of spicy ethnic food and anything containing rice instead of potatoes. 5. All television sets are to receive black and white pictures only. 6. Allow dancing only to Big Band music. 7. Anyone who is not a Baptist is a pagan and should be considered for minimum wage jobs only. 8. Strike down minimum wage laws. 9. Kidnap Barbra Streisand and threaten to behead her unless all of her CDs are destroyed. Release Barbra Streisand after discovering that nobody owns any of her CDs. 10. Michael Moore? He's Satan. Stone him.

Talking Points

I don't use talking points, I create them.

1. Hate makes people stoopid.

2. There is nothing so impenetrable as a closed mind.

3. A stupid person is not someone who can't learn, but someone who refuses to learn.

4. It is a small mind that has no room for God.

5. You can take Stalin out of the gene pool, but you can't take Stalinism out of liberals.

6. The best way to sabotage a bad plan is to follow it to the letter.

7. The race card is the first refuge of people who have nothing to say.

8. Ignorance is the cornerstone of arrogance.

9. Which is more racist, to hate someone who is not white or to assume someone is racist because he is white?

10. Children are not stupid. If a child is taught, the child will learn. If a child is not learning, the child is not being taught.

11. To express righteous indignation, one must first be righteous. And that's a label that doesn't stick to liberals.

12. Profanity is ignorance made audible.

13. An open mind is a liberal's worst enemy.

14. Paternalism is the purest form of racism.

15. People who bend the truth, usually bend it in their favor.

16. If you always stand in opposition to liberalism, you will never be wrong.

18. Life is simple. People who make it complicated usually have an agenda.

19. Getting your news from the corrupt, liberal media is like sticking your head in the sand, except you don't get grit in your teeth.

20. Liberals' emotional development stops at the age of 16.

21. To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell the truth.

22. Idealism seldom matches up with reality.

23. Those who don't hate communism have never lived it.

24. This was a much more civil country when men walked about heavily armed.

25. This economy will never heal as long as Obama keeps picking at the scab.

26. Liberals don't think outside the box; they ARE the box.

27. You cannot change the hearts and minds of liberals, because they possess neither.

28. There is no such thing as a kind liberal.

29. Reading Democratic Party platforms is like reading the history of human rights abuses and crimes against humanity in this country.

25 Immutable Truths About Liberals

Over the years I've been writing this blog, I've been throwing out little self-evident truths that seem to have no exceptions that prove the rule. I've made a list of some of them and will add to it as I remember them or make up more. Most of this list I've come up with myself. A few I've borrowed from others.

1. Always expect the worst from a liberal and you will never be surprised.

2. Never try to reason with a liberal. They disregard any evidence that conflicts with their beliefs.

3. You can always tell what liberals are up to by what they accuse conservatives of doing.

4. Liberals don't debate, they argue.

5. The only standards liberals have are double standards.

6. Liberals feel, conservatives think.

7. Whenever you don't understand a liberal's motives, just look for the money.

8. Liberals cannot be embarrassed. They lack the gene to blush.

9. The Liberal Golden Rule is, "Do unto others but scream bloody murder if they do unto you."

10. Liberals don't have leaders, they have demi-gods.

11. There are no honest liberals. If they were honest -- especially to themselves -- they would be conservatives.

12. A liberal's business is nobody's business, but everyone's business is a liberal's business.

13. Liberals have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are like house flies that criticize the air-worthiness of a Stealth fighter. (Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, ad infinitum are morons.)

14. Liberals lack a sixth sense that conservatives have in abundance -- common sense.

15. Liberals never stop hating.

16. There are only two types of liberals -- the deceivers and the deceived. The difficulty is telling them apart.

17. Every time liberals get on their high horse, they get bucked off.

18. Liberal programs are so wonderful that they have to be forced on people.

19. Liberals always choke on their own medicine.

20. When given a moral choice, liberals always come down on the wrong side of the fence.

21. The only way liberals can build themselves up is by tearing others down.

22. Liberals not only refuse to learn from their mistakes, they refuse to admit them.

23. Liberals have only two political positions -- blind devotion and blind hatred.

24. Liberals are incapable of attacking the message, so they always attack the messenger.

25. Liberal diversity is only skin deep.

11 comments:

DAKOTARANGER said...: This is the funniest post you've had in a while. Almost died laughing; 5:06 AM
Lone Ranger said...: Woulda had it last night if blogger hadn't been acting up.; 5:40 AM
Cathy said...: Blogger has been misbehaving... "Bad Blogger!"

OH... and for the record... I like the Betty Crocker dress and apron.; 6:13 AM
Lone Ranger said...: Somebody from Morocco just called me a donkey and said I knew nothing about his religion. He said Muslims respect Christians, something a blind dog such as myself was incapable of doing. This, as I was sitting here watching al-Jazeera as Muslims in Beirut burned the Danish embassy and rampaged through the streets throwing stones. Is that called irony?; 7:01 AM
Tonto said...: Oh my goodness...I am sitting here alone in Rome and laughing my head off. that is the best post I have read in ages...you hit the nail on the head.; 7:17 AM
Lone Ranger said...: And what kind of blind dog are you? I'm thinking Peekapoo.; 7:21 AM
Mark said...: You may be onto something there. Especially those parts about Rosie, Babs, and Michael Moore.
And maybe Howard Dean, as long as he is in the house when we firebomb it.

Oh. Back to comment moderation over at my place. Some people never learn.; 10:01 AM
tugboatcapn said...: Just from what I have picked up from listening to the news, I thought Fundamentalist Christians were already doing all of those things, LR.

Have I missed something?; 10:57 AM
Vigilis said...: Powerful points, LR. Glad I am on your side. By the way, to Muslims who say we disrespect their religion, we are on to there lame methods: Islam and The Two-Edged Sword; 1:58 PM
Mike said...: Are numbers 1,2 and 10 supposed to be bad ideas?; 2:29 PM
Lone Ranger said...: Numbers 1, 2 and 10 are examples of perfectly normal thought processes when human life is just a form of currency for bartering with God, when it's easier to get into Heaven by taking life than by treasuring life.; 8:21 PM

Important Stuff -- Or Not

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Things the Christian Right can Learn from Islam -- or Not

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