Important Stuff -- Or Not: We Should Have Voted for the Other Guys

Thursday, September 01, 2005

We Should Have Voted for the Other Guys

It's all clear now. If we had elected Gore or Kerry, none of this chaos surrounding hurricane Katrina would have happened. If Al Gore had been President on 9/11, he would have appointed a blue ribbon commission of Yale pinheads to decide how to respond. They'd still be thinking it over and we would never have gone into Afghanistan and Iraq, thus freeing up National Guard troops to deal with Katrina. If Al Gore had been President, he would have outlawed all guns, shut down all gunshops, confiscated all firearms from private owners, and nobody would be shooting at rescue helicopters today. If John Kerry had been elected, he would be at the helm of his swiftboat, leading a fleet of vessels through the streets of New Orleans. He would have had the foresight to see what would happen and would have exactly the right provisions stocked in the right places to avert any and all suffering. (Scented towel, ma'am?) Of course, both of these guys would have signed the Kyoto protocal, averting the hurricane in the first place. How shortsighted of the Bush administration! If only we had elected the other guys (oooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOO dream seqence.) It's true! It's true! The crown has made it clear. The climate must be perfect all the year. A law was made a distant moon ago here: July and August cannot be too hot. And there's a legal limit to the snow here In Camelot. The winter is forbidden till December And exits March the second on the dot. By order, summer lingers through September In Camelot. Camelot! Camelot! I know it sounds a bit bizarre, But in Camelot, Camelot That's how conditions are. The rain may never fall till after sundown. By eight, the morning fog must disappear. In short, there's simply not A more congenial spot For happily-ever-aftering than here In Camelot. Camelot! Camelot! I know it gives a person pause, But in Camelot, Camelot Those are the legal laws. The snow may never slush upon the hillside. By nine p.m. the moonlight must appear. In short, there's simply not A more congenial spot For happily-ever-aftering than here In Camelot.

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Talking Points

I don't use talking points, I create them.

1. Hate makes people stoopid.

2. There is nothing so impenetrable as a closed mind.

3. A stupid person is not someone who can't learn, but someone who refuses to learn.

4. It is a small mind that has no room for God.

5. You can take Stalin out of the gene pool, but you can't take Stalinism out of liberals.

6. The best way to sabotage a bad plan is to follow it to the letter.

7. The race card is the first refuge of people who have nothing to say.

8. Ignorance is the cornerstone of arrogance.

9. Which is more racist, to hate someone who is not white or to assume someone is racist because he is white?

10. Children are not stupid. If a child is taught, the child will learn. If a child is not learning, the child is not being taught.

11. To express righteous indignation, one must first be righteous. And that's a label that doesn't stick to liberals.

12. Profanity is ignorance made audible.

13. An open mind is a liberal's worst enemy.

14. Paternalism is the purest form of racism.

15. People who bend the truth, usually bend it in their favor.

16. If you always stand in opposition to liberalism, you will never be wrong.

18. Life is simple. People who make it complicated usually have an agenda.

19. Getting your news from the corrupt, liberal media is like sticking your head in the sand, except you don't get grit in your teeth.

20. Liberals' emotional development stops at the age of 16.

21. To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell the truth.

22. Idealism seldom matches up with reality.

23. Those who don't hate communism have never lived it.

24. This was a much more civil country when men walked about heavily armed.

25. This economy will never heal as long as Obama keeps picking at the scab.

26. Liberals don't think outside the box; they ARE the box.

27. You cannot change the hearts and minds of liberals, because they possess neither.

28. There is no such thing as a kind liberal.

29. Reading Democratic Party platforms is like reading the history of human rights abuses and crimes against humanity in this country.

25 Immutable Truths About Liberals

Over the years I've been writing this blog, I've been throwing out little self-evident truths that seem to have no exceptions that prove the rule. I've made a list of some of them and will add to it as I remember them or make up more. Most of this list I've come up with myself. A few I've borrowed from others.

1. Always expect the worst from a liberal and you will never be surprised.

2. Never try to reason with a liberal. They disregard any evidence that conflicts with their beliefs.

3. You can always tell what liberals are up to by what they accuse conservatives of doing.

4. Liberals don't debate, they argue.

5. The only standards liberals have are double standards.

6. Liberals feel, conservatives think.

7. Whenever you don't understand a liberal's motives, just look for the money.

8. Liberals cannot be embarrassed. They lack the gene to blush.

9. The Liberal Golden Rule is, "Do unto others but scream bloody murder if they do unto you."

10. Liberals don't have leaders, they have demi-gods.

11. There are no honest liberals. If they were honest -- especially to themselves -- they would be conservatives.

12. A liberal's business is nobody's business, but everyone's business is a liberal's business.

13. Liberals have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are like house flies that criticize the air-worthiness of a Stealth fighter. (Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, ad infinitum are morons.)

14. Liberals lack a sixth sense that conservatives have in abundance -- common sense.

15. Liberals never stop hating.

16. There are only two types of liberals -- the deceivers and the deceived. The difficulty is telling them apart.

17. Every time liberals get on their high horse, they get bucked off.

18. Liberal programs are so wonderful that they have to be forced on people.

19. Liberals always choke on their own medicine.

20. When given a moral choice, liberals always come down on the wrong side of the fence.

21. The only way liberals can build themselves up is by tearing others down.

22. Liberals not only refuse to learn from their mistakes, they refuse to admit them.

23. Liberals have only two political positions -- blind devotion and blind hatred.

24. Liberals are incapable of attacking the message, so they always attack the messenger.

25. Liberal diversity is only skin deep.