Important Stuff -- Or Not: Another Trip to the Hippie Store

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Another Trip to the Hippie Store

I got a hankering today for some escargot, so off I went to Fresh Fields -- the hippie store. Liberals really like to eat really well, and whenever I'm looking for something exotic, that's where I end up. Since it was 102 degrees outside, I didn't bother wearing my flight jacket, combat boots or other military regalia that earns me contemptuous looks from the aging hippies at Fresh Fields. Once again, not a single American flag or "We support our troops" magnet in the entire parking lot. I drove around and looked. But I did see a bunch of Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers that didn't look like they were over a year old. These people blend in on the highway, but when they congregate, their differences from real Americans becomes garish. So I got my escargot, caved in to the temptation for smoked eel sushi, but passed up the ostrich, quail and buffalo meat (I'm still wondering why they don't carry clubbed baby seal) and headed to the checkout. Behind me was an elderly woman -- probably only 10 years older than I, but I'm going to push that envelop as long as I can -- who started complaining about the heat. "Bush doesn't even believe in global warming! We've got to change our government before we're all dead!" Well, I was not going to engage in a political discussion with an unhinged woman in the short time it takes me to pay for my escargot and eel sushi, so I just nodded sagely while thinking "cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo!" Let's see if I have this straight. If Bush DID believe in man-caused global warming, we could fix it? If we are experiencing record high summers, why are the Europeans experiencing record low winters? And yada, yada, yada. Swoosh, I'm in my car munching organic sushi, washing it down with cold organic oolong tea and rushing home to get my organic escargot into the freezer. Ah, I also got some organic green onions, organic cucumbers and organic sour cream to make a cool, refreshing organic cucumber salad. I'd go to the hippie store much more often to boost my feelings of superiority if it weren't obvious that they make so much more money than I do. There's gold in them thar liberals.

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Talking Points

I don't use talking points, I create them.

1. Hate makes people stoopid.

2. There is nothing so impenetrable as a closed mind.

3. A stupid person is not someone who can't learn, but someone who refuses to learn.

4. It is a small mind that has no room for God.

5. You can take Stalin out of the gene pool, but you can't take Stalinism out of liberals.

6. The best way to sabotage a bad plan is to follow it to the letter.

7. The race card is the first refuge of people who have nothing to say.

8. Ignorance is the cornerstone of arrogance.

9. Which is more racist, to hate someone who is not white or to assume someone is racist because he is white?

10. Children are not stupid. If a child is taught, the child will learn. If a child is not learning, the child is not being taught.

11. To express righteous indignation, one must first be righteous. And that's a label that doesn't stick to liberals.

12. Profanity is ignorance made audible.

13. An open mind is a liberal's worst enemy.

14. Paternalism is the purest form of racism.

15. People who bend the truth, usually bend it in their favor.

16. If you always stand in opposition to liberalism, you will never be wrong.

18. Life is simple. People who make it complicated usually have an agenda.

19. Getting your news from the corrupt, liberal media is like sticking your head in the sand, except you don't get grit in your teeth.

20. Liberals' emotional development stops at the age of 16.

21. To anger a conservative, lie to him. To anger a liberal, tell the truth.

22. Idealism seldom matches up with reality.

23. Those who don't hate communism have never lived it.

24. This was a much more civil country when men walked about heavily armed.

25. This economy will never heal as long as Obama keeps picking at the scab.

26. Liberals don't think outside the box; they ARE the box.

27. You cannot change the hearts and minds of liberals, because they possess neither.

28. There is no such thing as a kind liberal.

29. Reading Democratic Party platforms is like reading the history of human rights abuses and crimes against humanity in this country.

25 Immutable Truths About Liberals

Over the years I've been writing this blog, I've been throwing out little self-evident truths that seem to have no exceptions that prove the rule. I've made a list of some of them and will add to it as I remember them or make up more. Most of this list I've come up with myself. A few I've borrowed from others.

1. Always expect the worst from a liberal and you will never be surprised.

2. Never try to reason with a liberal. They disregard any evidence that conflicts with their beliefs.

3. You can always tell what liberals are up to by what they accuse conservatives of doing.

4. Liberals don't debate, they argue.

5. The only standards liberals have are double standards.

6. Liberals feel, conservatives think.

7. Whenever you don't understand a liberal's motives, just look for the money.

8. Liberals cannot be embarrassed. They lack the gene to blush.

9. The Liberal Golden Rule is, "Do unto others but scream bloody murder if they do unto you."

10. Liberals don't have leaders, they have demi-gods.

11. There are no honest liberals. If they were honest -- especially to themselves -- they would be conservatives.

12. A liberal's business is nobody's business, but everyone's business is a liberal's business.

13. Liberals have an inflated sense of self-worth. They are like house flies that criticize the air-worthiness of a Stealth fighter. (Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, ad infinitum are morons.)

14. Liberals lack a sixth sense that conservatives have in abundance -- common sense.

15. Liberals never stop hating.

16. There are only two types of liberals -- the deceivers and the deceived. The difficulty is telling them apart.

17. Every time liberals get on their high horse, they get bucked off.

18. Liberal programs are so wonderful that they have to be forced on people.

19. Liberals always choke on their own medicine.

20. When given a moral choice, liberals always come down on the wrong side of the fence.

21. The only way liberals can build themselves up is by tearing others down.

22. Liberals not only refuse to learn from their mistakes, they refuse to admit them.

23. Liberals have only two political positions -- blind devotion and blind hatred.

24. Liberals are incapable of attacking the message, so they always attack the messenger.

25. Liberal diversity is only skin deep.